I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
