We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
