i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
