I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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