I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
