At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
