How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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