it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
