he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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