Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
