You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
