I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
