Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
