I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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