She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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