he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
