I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
