i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
