i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
