can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
