I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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