I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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