i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
