hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
