So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
