Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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