well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
