D3 body, D1 cock
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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