not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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