Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
