it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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