She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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