Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
