they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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