Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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