stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
