I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize