i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
