so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
