i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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