It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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