I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
