Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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