Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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