I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
