just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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