we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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