I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize