My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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