anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
