my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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