Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
