It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
