; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
