he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
