what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize