oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
