i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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