I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
