My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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