it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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