Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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