About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
