3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
