He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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