I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize