Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
