You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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