The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
