he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
