i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
