Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize