I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
