he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
