you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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