another moral hangover. fuck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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