You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
