it wasn't lemon gatorade
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
