The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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