I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There r osticjed everywhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
