I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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