those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
