i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dear god my vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
