Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
