jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
