How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
