your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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