Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
