So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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