i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize