I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
