So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
