I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
one two three fourrrrnication!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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